You’ve Written Your Haibun—So Now What?

Revising for Precision, Resonance, and Ma

By Billie Dee, Drifiting Sands Haibun #32, June 2025

You’ve written your classical haibun: a title, a narrative, one or more haikai parts. You’ve revised, proofread, and spell-checked. You’ve combed through for excess adjectives, wandering prepositional phrases, and any lingering traces of “telling” instead of “showing.” So—now what? 

Now, you revise again. 

But this time, your goal isn’t just technical clarity—it’s emotional resonance, tonal balance, and structural harmony. A strong haibun is like a well-crafted piece of jewelry:

• the narrative is the setting—elegant but unobtrusive; 
• the haikai are the gemstones—precise, luminous, irreplaceable; 
• and the title is the presentation box—subtle, intriguing, never overbearing.

Let each element do its work. 

Haibun Writing is Distillation 

Each revision should peel away what’s unnecessary to reveal the haibun’s living core. This isn’t prose with haikai slapped on—it’s an interwoven form, where verse and narrative exist in dynamic tension. Revision clarifies that relationship. It sharpens language, deepens tone, and allows ma (space) to emerge. What remains unsaid matters as much as what is written.

1. The Role of the Prose 

Haibun prose is not conventional storytelling. It resists exposition and avoids overt traditional poesy. Instead, it evokes. Think: distilled poetic memoir or a moment of bare awareness. When revising, consider: - Compression: Can a phrase be tighter? Does each line carry its weight? - Rhythm and flow: Read aloud. Where do you stumble or rush? - Suggestion over explanation: Does your prose leave room for the reader to dream (ma)? 

2. The Haikai Element: Expansion Through Juxtaposition 

The verse isn’t there to summarize or tidy up. Its job is to extend the piece—temporally, emotionally, imagistically. A haikai that echoes the prose too closely flattens the whole. - Check for disjunction: Does the haikai offer a new angle, mood, or moment? - Experiment with placement: Sometimes, moving a verse to the beginning or middle can shift the emotional axis. - Consider alternates: A strong prose section may invite a more resonant or surprising ku. 

 3. Cutting for Impact: The Power of Ma 

Ma is the breathing space between lines, between thoughts. It’s silence as structure, suggestion as invitation. When revising: - Prune aggressively: Cut not just for brevity, but to create space.

• Avoid overexplaining the verse: Let the haikai resonate without anchoring it in prose.
• Honor ambiguity: Not confusion, but layered meaning—the kind that invites rereading. 

4. Read It Aloud—Yes, Really! 

This one’s non-negotiable. Read your haibun aloud a dozen times or more, especially with each new draft—to yourself, to your cat, to someone who doesn’t write poetry. (Especially that last one—they’ll tell you where you lost them.) Listen for awkward rhythms, overlong sentences, breathless passages. If you stumble, your reader will too. Reading aloud catches what your eye will overlook. It’s your best editor. Use it. 

 5. Final Polish: A Submission Checklist

• Have I trimmed excess from the prose? - Does the haikai add something new, not just echo the narrative? - Is the tone consistent throughout? 
• Does the title enhance the work without giving too much away? - Have I read this aloud—multiple times? 
• Are there any typos, grammatical stumbles, or formatting quirks? 
• And finally: Is this my best work? If not, wait. Refine again. Submit later. 

What Editors Notice 

Paraphrased from Beary, Watts and Youmans¹, with a few additions from the trenches: 

• Let your originality show, quietly—remember, most tweaks have been tried before. - Don’t mimic another poet’s voice (especially not one judging the contest).
• Don’t title your haibun Untitled. Just... don’t.
• Never ask editors for feedback. If they offer it, treasure it—and respond with humility and grace.
• Don’t take rejections personally. Every editor you admire has a stack of their own.
• Always, always be courteous. Editing is mostly thankless labor. Editors are not your nemesis. 

In Closing 

Haibun revision isn’t about chasing perfection. It’s about making space—for breath, for emotion, for the reader. Keep what shines. Cut what clutters. Read aloud until it sings. And when it does? Send it out.

 Then start the next one. 

__________
Footnote:
¹ Beary, Roberta; Lew Watts, Rich Youmans. Haibun: A Writer's Guide. United Kingdom: Ad Hoc Fiction, 2023. 

Annotated Bibliography 

Beary, Roberta, Lew Watts, and Rich Youmans. Haibun: A Writer’s Guide. United Kingdom: Ad Hoc Fiction, 2023. ISBN 978-1-913139-82-1.
This compact but comprehensive guide offers clear, contemporary advice for writing and revising haibun. The co-authors—each experienced as poet and editor—address structure, tone, and submission etiquette. Their practical checklists and insights into the form’s evolution are invaluable for emerging and advanced writers alike. 

Rasmussen, Ray. “A Title Is a Title Is a Title, or Is It?” Contemporary Haibun Online 19, no. 1 (April 2023).
Rasmussen explores the function of titles in haibun—not just as labels but as mood-setters, provocations, or structural tools. An essential companion to any revision process, especially when refining tone and first impressions. 

 __________. “The Role of Modeling in Haibun Composition.” Contemporary Haibun Online 19, no. 1 (April 2023). .
This essay addresses the tension between imitation and originality. Rasmussen offers a nuanced take on how new writers can learn from the masters without copying them, making this particularly relevant to the 'find your own voice' sections of the essay. 

 __________. “Characteristics of Contemporary English-Language Haibun.”     `. https://contemporaryhaibunonline.com/chohtmlarchive/articles/Rasmussen_characteristi csofhaibun.html.
A foundational essay summarizing key traits of strong modern haibun—concise prose, evocative haikai, and the importance of suggestion over explanation. Useful for anyone defining or teaching the genre. 

Welch, Michael Dylan. “Moonless Haibun: Prose Without Haiku.” Graceguts. https://www.graceguts.com/essays/moonless-haibun-prose-without-haiku.
Welch explores haibun that contain no embedded haiku—only titled prose. This piece broadens the scope of what haibun can be, while still holding to the discipline of precision and implication. A useful contrast to traditional haibun structure. 

__________. “Fair Use in Historical Haibun.” Graceguts. https://www.graceguts.com/essays/fair-use-in-historical-haibun.
Though focused on a niche concern, this essay provides historical context for haibun practice, showing how contemporary innovation remains tethered to tradition. It reminds writers that the form is both old and evolving.